出现这个问题的最大原因可能是，目标端口不在netstat 的管理范围， 所以需要重新设定范围
改解决方案来自 https://stackoverflow.com/a/66827598/12261182

Solution for those who can not find the process with netstat -aon command.
Some ports might be reserved by default in various networks. Therefore, if you can not find a :1099 port with netstat -aon command you need to check your reserved ports first.

netsh interface ipv4 show excludedportrange protocol=tcp

Port 1099 might show up as a reserved one in the list. However, it was not the case for me. I decided to try to make an exception for it anyway. It worked!

Follow these steps:

Make sure to copy this text to your notepad, because you will lose internet connection for a moment.

Open your CMD as an administrator.

Write these commands one by one in order to stop your network:

net stop winnat

net stop LanmanWorkstation

net stop WlanSvc

net stop WwanSvc

Exclude port 1099 from a reserved list:

将1099 指定为你自己的目标检测端口（要找的端口），一下命令将会以你指定的端口为起点 (不包括)，连续后四个端口都将从不维护端口列表中剔除

netsh int ipv4 add excludedportrange protocol=tcp startport=1099 numberofports=4

Start your network again:

net start winnat

net start LanmanWorkstation

net start WlanSvc

net start WwanSvc

Done.

Temporary solution.
Simply changing JMX port to 1599 inside of the IntelliJ IDEA also solved this issue for me.